Single Women & Artificial Insemination. Selfish?

insemination
Article by Lesego Kgaladi. Posted on May 9 2017 at 8:37 am

First of all I want to put a disclaimer that I am not judging anyone. I am just a confused soul who needs enlightening so please bear with me and read with an open mind.

I have been so confused with some of the reasons why people adopt children or do insemination. The idea of insemination compelled me to write this. I have so many questions and thoughts about the whole discussion but, again, those are just my opinions.

Some things in life you don’t believe they exist until they happen close to home. Ever since I came to the United States I am exposed to so many things that make the African in me cringe. For example, I live with a lady who has a 3 year old daughter who is mixed race. I never really cared to ask where the father is and I just assumed that I would meet him one day, maybe when he comes to pick her up for the weekend or whatever. That day, however, never came. I lived with them for 5 months. At some point, I would find a pregnancy test in the house, even though I never saw a man visit. Like ever. Neither did the woman and her child ever go away for a weekend, where I would have assumed they are meeting with the father or a boyfriend. She was always home.

Insemination

I began to get curious about the whereabouts of the kid’s father, but I was still not sure how to ask this woman who is in her mid 40s.  I was her housemate but she treated me like her older child. One day, out of the blue, she asked me when my cycle (menstruation) was and if I could give her my eggs 😳 . That whole thing was bizarre for me, “Give you my eggs?”

I’m a very weird person, if I feel like what you say makes no sense,then I don’t even want to put it in thoughts I just look at you and go “Hehe” and basically that’s what I did. I was confused and thought she was crazy. Gosh, how can you ask such a thing?

Well, to cut a long story short, I later discovered that her kid was not born through a normal pregnancy but through artificial insemination. Now my main question was first of all, whether she deliberately chose a white man’s sperm or was that the last sperm they had? And secondly, I feel like getting a child that way is selfish, mainly because you deliberately deprive the child an opportunity to have a father, and have a normal father experience.

I never had a Dad growing up, my grandpa was my father, but the feeling of wishing I had a father came once in a while. I mean it’s different from adopting because there you save the child I believe. Insemination, on the other hand, is something you do for you, yourself to close a gap or for loneliness reasons but at the end of the day you do it for you. That’s selfish to me, I think.

Do you think single ladies who do insemination are selfish? What do you tell the child, “Your father is dead?”

My housemate’s daughter told me that her dad is dead because her Mom told her that.

I would be so mad if I was a product of artificial insemination.

Please help me look at this in a different way.

By Lesego

11 Comments

  1. Lesego K’

    That’s a genuine question or concern you have, I agree with you at all cost.
    My Dad for 1 passed away when I was 11, but I know him but still today at the age of 37 (turning 38 in 20May) I still long for him and wonder if my Dad was still around to see me become this young man, how would life be like.

    That is selfish or our simply saying if u have money u can buy everything including life cause insemination is simply buying a life, but we forget that this life will become independent one day and start to be curious, about who am I, what is my origin (My family tree).

    The poor soul male or female will eventually start to have social issues that no one will answer.

    #Cant we rather adopt to save a orphaned soul somewhere and give it love.

    Just Curious like Lesego Kgaladi, (RSA)

  2. dear i think adorption is best in all procces no lies and decrease Orphans. when question pop up of wher is my father you will give all details simple and easy.This sperm donor keeps me wondering nd curious also….

  3. I disagree with the following parts:”Depriving a child of the father experience”
    I would rather a child grows up without a father than with a father that comes in and out of their lives,A child cannot be deprived of something they were never attached to in the first place.
    “it’s selfish…”,I don’t think it’s selfish to try and bring a child into this world,I doubt a woman would go through the entire process of AI because they’re lonely,It’s a personal choice of eliminating the stresses that comes with a baby daddy and the emotional attachment of being with a man.Also because technology now allows you different options.I would rather go for AI than date a man simply for pro-creation

  4. I disagree with the following parts:”Depriving a child of the father experience”
    I would rather a child grows up without a father than with a father that comes in and out of their lives,A child cannot be deprived of something they were never attached to in the first place.
    “it’s selfish…”,I don’t think it’s selfish to try and bring a child into this world,I doubt a woman would go through the entire process of AI because they’re lonely,It’s a personal choice of eliminating the stresses that comes with a baby daddy and the emotional attachment of being with a man.Also because technology now allows you different options.I would rather go for AI than date a man simply for pro-creation

  5. I am 32, single and finding a partner is proving harder and harder as the years go by. I want to have children and having them within the confides of a healthy relationship would be ideal but should that not happen for me I am willing to go for AI and even adopt since I want more than 1 child. The AI option will give me that full experience of being pregnant and bringing life into this earth.

    I was raised mostly by single mother and only came to have a relationship with my father later on and I do not feel I was deprived of that experience of having him present from the onset. So I don’t think my baby would suffer from any deprivation if I am wholly present and doing my outmost best as a parent.

    • Miss P

      I get what you saying. My point still stands that you are doing for you ” I want the full experience of pregnancy”? If you want to have a child so bad why not adopt than say I want to have pregnancy experience I feel it’s selfish. You don’t need to birth someone to Mother them. I hope you find a man and do it the normal way and have your full expirience. Best of luck hun.

      • I honestly did not want to comment on this, even those who have kids in a relationship, mostly do it for themselves. Having a partner to do it with also does not guarantee a child a present father or a great family enviroment to live in, choosing Al also does not guarantee that a child may not have a father in future. Yes, I agree adoption is great but its does not remove the need for others who want to birth their own kids in relationships or not, if one feels so strongly about adoption I would think that it should also apply to those who do have partners and want to have kids; they can also adopt it should not be left to the single woman who choses to have Al. Rather we say everyone should stop having kids and adopt those who are already in this world. Let us not judge single people with a different eye from those who have partners.

  6. Getting pregnant whether by AI, or a man is a decision you do for you (eliminating unplanned pregnancies). It is selfish either way. So Im really confused by the selfish question lol

    You will tell the child you had a baby by yourself cause mommy couldn’t wait to have you. To force people into adoption because other ways don’t sit well with you seems a bit selfish

  7. I share the same sentiments as you Sego, yes having a child or getting pregnant we mostly do it for our own different and selfish reasons. Yet again most career women who have been hurt and disappointed by the opposite sex tend to believe that children only need money to grow and that they can provide, forgetting that a void of a father can never be filled by anything.

    I personally do not condone it because I would never change the environment I grew up in so why deny my child what I had. If the dad lives the mother or passes on then there’s an explanation that sounds. You know here in SA its if he’s dead then where is his family and all those questions.

    And adoption hey it benefits a child who is already there so if people are for that then it its a good move as it lessens so many wrong things.

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insemination

First of all I want to put a disclaimer that I am not judging anyone. I am just a confused soul who needs enlightening so please bear with me and read with an open mind.

I have been so confused with some of the reasons why people adopt children or do insemination. The idea of insemination compelled me to write this. I have so many questions and thoughts about the whole discussion but, again, those are just my opinions.

Some things in life you don’t believe they exist until they happen close to home. Ever since I came to the United States I am exposed to so many things that make the African in me cringe. For example, I live with a lady who has a 3 year old daughter who is mixed race. I never really cared to ask where the father is and I just assumed that I would meet him one day, maybe when he comes to pick her up for the weekend or whatever. That day, however, never came. I lived with them for 5 months. At some point, I would find a pregnancy test in the house, even though I never saw a man visit. Like ever. Neither did the woman and her child ever go away for a weekend, where I would have assumed they are meeting with the father or a boyfriend. She was always home.

Insemination

I began to get curious about the whereabouts of the kid’s father, but I was still not sure how to ask this woman who is in her mid 40s.  I was her housemate but she treated me like her older child. One day, out of the blue, she asked me when my cycle (menstruation) was and if I could give her my eggs 😳 . That whole thing was bizarre for me, “Give you my eggs?”

I’m a very weird person, if I feel like what you say makes no sense,then I don’t even want to put it in thoughts I just look at you and go “Hehe” and basically that’s what I did. I was confused and thought she was crazy. Gosh, how can you ask such a thing?

Well, to cut a long story short, I later discovered that her kid was not born through a normal pregnancy but through artificial insemination. Now my main question was first of all, whether she deliberately chose a white man’s sperm or was that the last sperm they had? And secondly, I feel like getting a child that way is selfish, mainly because you deliberately deprive the child an opportunity to have a father, and have a normal father experience.

I never had a Dad growing up, my grandpa was my father, but the feeling of wishing I had a father came once in a while. I mean it’s different from adopting because there you save the child I believe. Insemination, on the other hand, is something you do for you, yourself to close a gap or for loneliness reasons but at the end of the day you do it for you. That’s selfish to me, I think.

Do you think single ladies who do insemination are selfish? What do you tell the child, “Your father is dead?”

My housemate’s daughter told me that her dad is dead because her Mom told her that.

I would be so mad if I was a product of artificial insemination.

Please help me look at this in a different way.

By Lesego

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