Dealing With That Guy Who’s Here Today, Gone Tomorrow!

Houdini man disappearing
Article by LeloB. Posted on September 6 2016 at 7:39 am

Yeah, we’ve all had an encounter with “Houdini”.

After a 2 months long disappearance and silence, one morning I woke up to find 3 missed Facetime calls followed by a “Oh, so you are ignoring me?” text from my Houdini. When I checked the time, the text was sent at 01:04am and the calls were made just before then. LOL I’m still shocked at this hey…

Facetime at 1am?….

After disappearing for 2 months?….

Where is the respect? ….

You know sometimes I look at all the things that happen to me and I want to call Father God and ask kanti what did I do to you Jesu? Why do these crazy things happen to me?

And this is always the case with us ladies, we start looking at ourselves to find reasons why men mistreat us. Why not look at them for the problem?

Houdinin

While going through this I remembered an article I read 3 years ago about this type of man, the Houdini. The article was written by Mandy Hale aka @TheSingleWoman and it addresses this issue so perfectly and shares how we should deal with damn Houdini.

This was the part that got me paying attention:

“A lot of “experts” will tell you that you could be to blame for a man disappearing on you; you were too needy, too clingy, gave too much too soon– but I’m here to tell you that there are instances when a man disappears for the simple reason that he’s too weak or afraid to tell you that he doesn’t want to pursue the relationship further. Of course neediness and clinginess and giving too much too soon can certainly be factors in the demise of a relationship. However, don’t get caught up in blaming yourself, because at least as often as not, a man vanishes due to his own shortcomings rather than yours.”

I still don’t understand why men are afraid to say when they don’t want to continue a relationship. It saves so much drama because who would fight against that really…

Mandy shares signs that your guy might pull a disappearing act:

“A Houdini typically appears out of nowhere, showing up in your life with the intensity of a freight train or a storm, taking you by complete surprise. The downside of this is that his sudden and unexpected appearance in your life can often trick you into believing it’s fate or magic at work. But here’s what you’ve gotta remember: Houdinis will vanish from your life just as suddenly as they appear.”

‘A Houdini moves at warp speed. Everything about the relationship will feel rushed, from the first time he calls you “baby” to the first time he meets your parents to the first time- and probably last time- he vanishes from your life. As a woman it can be flattering to have a guy who seems so intensely INTO us that he can’t wait to take the next big step; but as the old love song says, “Wise men say, only fools rush in.” Bottom line, most people simply don’t Khloe and Lamar their way into TRUE love. Love doesn’t rush. It takes its time. Infatuation rushes, and most often burns out.”

“There will come a very obvious and defining moment in the relationship when a Houdini will start to back away. His calls and texts will dwindle. He’ll grow increasingly distant. His sweet lovey-dovey tone will change to more matter of fact and unattached. You’ll noticeably feel the currents shift. When this happens, ladies, the vanishing act is imminent and there’s honestly not much you can do about it. Men who pull the vanishing act typically aren’t mature enough to realize that a simple conversation respectfully ending the relationship is a MUCH kinder, gentler way to make their grand exit than simply dropping off the face of the earth. Or they DO realize it but they just don’t care. Never is a person’s character more evident than at the end of a relationship- and the bottom line is, if he’s the kind of guy who feels okay about just disappearing from your life, you’ve gotta be the kind of woman who loves herself and respects herself (even if he doesn’t) enough to let him stay gone.” 

I read this and thought, Oh My Word! We have all been dating the same guy! He just comes in different forms, but he’s one single guy! How else would you explain the fact that we all have the same experience because reading this, it felt like I was reading my own story!?

There was a point in my life (when I was young) where I would chase after a Houdini and demand an explanation but then I grew up and got to a point where if you keep quiet, then life goes on, nami I keep quiet. But for some reason, this infuriates aboHoudini too. Like the Houdini mentioned above would disappear then come back and complain about how I did not even contact him. Bathong, kodwa you are the one who disappeared??

Mandy however writes that you should actually demand an explanation:

“I think the “He’s Just Not That Into You” culture has given men too much of a pass. We’re allowing men to simply vanish from our lives with zero explanation or accountability, shrugging it off as “Well, he’s just not that into me.” NO. This is not okay.

If a man has been actively pursuing and wooing and doing everything in his power to stir your affections for him for a week or a month or even a DAY…he owes it to you to tell you in a direct and upfront manner when that pursuit is coming to an end. If a friend just disappeared from your life without explanation, you wouldn’t just let it slide, would you? So why are we so quick to do it with a man?” 

Hayi, I honestly don’t have the energy nor the time to chase an explanation when it should have been offered from the start so I will not take Mandy’s advice on this one. I’d rather just shut up as well and deal with my frustrations far away from him. Yhuuu kunini sikhalela abafana, I’m over that now.

A friend of mine recently told me that her boyfriend sent her a breakup text and she replied “LOL” & carried on with her life… I think I’m about that life now as well, we can’t still be chasing people, ngeke.

You can read the rest of Mandy’s article What to Do When a Guy Pulls a Disappearing Act HERE. 

Oh, and another blogger writes about how the return happens and I laughed out loud reading this coz yet again… “We’ve all been dating the same guy.”

“For six long weeks you’ve wished and prayed for a sign or just a word from this guy. And on a sunny Sunday afternoon, your cell phone rings, and as you reach down to retrieve your cell from your designer bag, you see it. A text message from him that simply reads: “Hello.” You sit there quietly, pondering what you should do. Everything in you is telling you not to respond, to keep it moving. Of course you don’t listen to that wise voice in your head. You tell yourself you’re only going to respond because you’re curious to hear where he’s been for the past six weeks. You text a cool “hello” back.

“I miss you,” he texts, and after several more back and forth messages that don’t include any valid reason for his disappearance, you agree to meet up with him That NIGHT. And, what’s worse, he doesn’t invite you out to a movie or to dinner. He invites you to his house. And we know that only one thing is going down once we go that route.” 

I know I’m not the only one with a Houdini story, what did yours do? I’m laughing in anticipation. lol

#HoudinisMustFall

41 Comments

  1. Hahaha…I love this article, age and experience has taught me to forget about the “Houdini’s” of this world. Before that, I would chase, stalk and text or call like crazy until I realised that all I was doing was hurting myself. So now if you disappear, or I feel as though you are distant…I switch off. Life is too short for me to worry about an old man who really doesn’t care about me.

    • Pity we had to go through all these experiences first

  2. I had a houdini for 6yrs straight!!! what saddens me is that I never stopped him for doing this. It only ended once he was enough. That will forever go down as one of my weakest moments in life

    • I feel like saying sorry Lee hahaha I’m serious yaz, sorry

      • what’s worse is that I would entertain anyone else during his absence cause I’d be mourning him then when I’m ready to start chatting up someone new he reappears like a magic act!! thixo, ndadiDom shem

    • 8yrs kum Lee and counting. And I know. And then there’s the reappearance just as you finally get over him. bayasqhela ababhuti

      • lol siyaqheleka kodwa nathi tltltl At one point I deleted his number but when that text comes in, you just know.

    • LMAO!!! 6 years is nothing, my story would make you cry tltltl

      Thank goodness you got over him.

  3. “LOL” = Give your friend a bells!

  4. People call it “closure” this need to know why he disappeared. I really couldn’t be bothered. You stop calling? sharp, I keep it moving. When you try come back with random “hi” texts I ignore nje ngathi angikwazi. Lelo you are right, oHoudini abekho happy when you ignore them, they expect calls/texts asking where they are and why they are quiet…I can not hey. Ibiza kabi i-airtime!

  5. Houdins come in different shapes and forms shem. The calling, smsing, emailing I once did nkosi yam, until I gave up. Fast forward I wake up to a long sms with an attempt why he went cold and vanished. It opened my heart, I melted, all the memories came flooding, I immediately texted back but never got a response. Months later I got a facebook inbox, it continued until I close the chapter. He died this year.

  6. Im laughing at this because I woke up to a good morning text from him
    after days of disappearing and now I know what to do

  7. Guys, Houdinis are good for food and drinks. Since they want to act silly, might as well entertain em when you need em. Try not to invest emotionally so quickly. Its hard, I know.

    • Back then, mine had a way of warming his ways back in my heart, I would melt! Not sure how to deal with it, but in my instance I think God dealt with him when He brought back my bae now hubby.

  8. Laughing hard at myself and my Houdini . To think i recently kearnt how to ignore and keep it moving

    • I am for that movement! hahahaha

  9. I had a Houdins for years in my life before I got married. Actually I thought he was my soul mate. He would appear and quickly disappear. So whoever was in my life for the period he appears I would drop them like a hot potato. I’ve dropped 2 x men in my life because of him. The weird thing is when I reconnected with my then BF and now hubby, I dropped him like a hot potato, for the first time ever! Ndathi u Thixo umkhulu! He could not believe it. I’ve never seen or heard from him since. tltltltl. I rough lendlela yothando!

    • I wonder how many “husbands” have been dropped like a potato coz of my Houdini… nx, sivalelwa amathuba

      • And that’s the biggest problem hey… these Houdinis avala amathuba for abanye abantwana because when they’re in our lives, we only see them. Loyal to a fault we are!!

  10. I couldn’t stop laughing, I’ve been ignoring one for the past 2 weeks since he blew me off for the second time with no explanation. I don’t block, I ignore straight up. And he can see I read and am not responding to his texts on purpose.

  11. Finally! This is what I have been waiting for, since puberty. Today is my 23rd birthday and I must say that this is one of the best gifts ‘online’. Reading the blog made me realize that I am actually fine! Not feeling sooo ‘crazy’ anymore 🙂

  12. I’ve been in this predicament for the past four years and I’ve had enough!. My Houdini has been MIA for the past four months now. He always comes back after going missing for months; sweetens me up and we have the most steamy sex then… POOF! Im done being his long term booty call. What irks me is that he knows that my door is always open to welcome him back. So unfair! I’m pulling a Caster on him the next time he decides to hala. I’m done. I can’t believe I’ve waited a whole four years to realize how much this Houdini is wasting time. Im on journey of forgiving myself now. Ive been so angry at myself for allowing him to do this to me. Ke feditse! Forgiveness & Detachment is what I’m working on concerning this situation.

    • That is the best thing to do… doesn’t it annoy you how entitled they are to your attention when they finally return! SMH

  13. We are all dating the same guy. Once you disappear, I block and move on with my life. Because you know he’s about to pull the diapering, so I just prepare my heart and just let it go.

  14. I got a text from a certain Houdini yesterday it reads ” hi gorgeous, I’m back in town when Am I seeing you” my reply was ” I won’t be seeing you” , he asked why I never replied. I think I got my closure.

    • As for asking you ” why” but he didn’t bother to explain “why” he had disappeared

  15. I think every one has had their fair chance of Houdinis. With me it was two years and since I have being with someone, he is been trying his luck and its been a year now. Thanks for this, ngi zo fela nga phakati, if i come across one again!

  16. I think we’re all dating the same guy here… My houdini would always come back after he has broken up with his girlfriend. He use to make me his 2nd choice with knowing that I love him unconditional. But anyway am done with that life. #HoudiniMustFall

  17. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories as well. I think more than anything, the beauty of this is for one to read and realise that you are not alone in this madness, as @Ridotshila pointed out.

    Now for us to work on ignoring Houdini when he makes his return, no matter how good the sex.

  18. Kante why are men like this though??? Like I don’t understand. Tjo noo man it’s too much.

  19. I remember when I asked for a sign from God, whether to pray for him to come bck or to just move on..a sec later he text ‘ it has always been you, I miss home’.. I forced myself to believe God answered ryt there….many years later… Brada still disapears, last week he hits me with ‘ in u I find refuge ‘ .m I a shelter, manje I am dealing with an Asylum case. NEVER AGAIN

    • Lol @ asylum case

  20. OMW Lelo, I’ve dated this guy. The whole thing was so unbelievably exciting.I saw all the signs and I knew that him and I were not compatible so I conditioned my heart so when it happened I wasn’t hurt at all. The whole thing just became something my friends and I laughed about. I dodged a bullet there and I’m thankful for that. We once bumped into each other, he thought I wanted an explanation but I didn’t. He said we should talk, I told him we really have nothing to talk about.

  21. Omg, are you spying on me via this article cause this is my current struggle he pops up when he wants to, calls ngo 4am saying he misses me. I’m exhausted from this childishness tbh.

  22. Hahaha, Lelo – I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. We’re really dating the same guy. My story will certainly translate into an article – a summary wouldn’t do it justice. Thanks for this …I’ve just hit the block button on my Houdini whose met someone new but still refuses to release me and be my EX.

  23. My Houdini, hmmm
    Its hard tho,but am still on de process of forgetting abt him. Jxt can’t believe am inluv with him and I fell for his deceit. Reading ur stories has made me realized dat am nt alone in dx.
    Thnkz.

  24. The way I’m laughing right now. But ngifuna nokukhala futhi. I’m going through this. Akayekeki u guy and I’m really trying. Not sure how many times I’ve blocked him and unblocked him

    Love your writing.

  25. Just stumbled upon this article laughed my small ass off. I have a houdini in my life, this has been going on for almost 7 years now. However after our last encounter I realise I’m over the trash, he no longer has a hold of me. Can’t believe how stupid I was. This journey of love is interesting.


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Houdini man disappearing

Yeah, we’ve all had an encounter with “Houdini”.

After a 2 months long disappearance and silence, one morning I woke up to find 3 missed Facetime calls followed by a “Oh, so you are ignoring me?” text from my Houdini. When I checked the time, the text was sent at 01:04am and the calls were made just before then. LOL I’m still shocked at this hey…

Facetime at 1am?….

After disappearing for 2 months?….

Where is the respect? ….

You know sometimes I look at all the things that happen to me and I want to call Father God and ask kanti what did I do to you Jesu? Why do these crazy things happen to me?

And this is always the case with us ladies, we start looking at ourselves to find reasons why men mistreat us. Why not look at them for the problem?

Houdinin

While going through this I remembered an article I read 3 years ago about this type of man, the Houdini. The article was written by Mandy Hale aka @TheSingleWoman and it addresses this issue so perfectly and shares how we should deal with damn Houdini.

This was the part that got me paying attention:

“A lot of “experts” will tell you that you could be to blame for a man disappearing on you; you were too needy, too clingy, gave too much too soon– but I’m here to tell you that there are instances when a man disappears for the simple reason that he’s too weak or afraid to tell you that he doesn’t want to pursue the relationship further. Of course neediness and clinginess and giving too much too soon can certainly be factors in the demise of a relationship. However, don’t get caught up in blaming yourself, because at least as often as not, a man vanishes due to his own shortcomings rather than yours.”

I still don’t understand why men are afraid to say when they don’t want to continue a relationship. It saves so much drama because who would fight against that really…

Mandy shares signs that your guy might pull a disappearing act:

“A Houdini typically appears out of nowhere, showing up in your life with the intensity of a freight train or a storm, taking you by complete surprise. The downside of this is that his sudden and unexpected appearance in your life can often trick you into believing it’s fate or magic at work. But here’s what you’ve gotta remember: Houdinis will vanish from your life just as suddenly as they appear.”

‘A Houdini moves at warp speed. Everything about the relationship will feel rushed, from the first time he calls you “baby” to the first time he meets your parents to the first time- and probably last time- he vanishes from your life. As a woman it can be flattering to have a guy who seems so intensely INTO us that he can’t wait to take the next big step; but as the old love song says, “Wise men say, only fools rush in.” Bottom line, most people simply don’t Khloe and Lamar their way into TRUE love. Love doesn’t rush. It takes its time. Infatuation rushes, and most often burns out.”

“There will come a very obvious and defining moment in the relationship when a Houdini will start to back away. His calls and texts will dwindle. He’ll grow increasingly distant. His sweet lovey-dovey tone will change to more matter of fact and unattached. You’ll noticeably feel the currents shift. When this happens, ladies, the vanishing act is imminent and there’s honestly not much you can do about it. Men who pull the vanishing act typically aren’t mature enough to realize that a simple conversation respectfully ending the relationship is a MUCH kinder, gentler way to make their grand exit than simply dropping off the face of the earth. Or they DO realize it but they just don’t care. Never is a person’s character more evident than at the end of a relationship- and the bottom line is, if he’s the kind of guy who feels okay about just disappearing from your life, you’ve gotta be the kind of woman who loves herself and respects herself (even if he doesn’t) enough to let him stay gone.” 

I read this and thought, Oh My Word! We have all been dating the same guy! He just comes in different forms, but he’s one single guy! How else would you explain the fact that we all have the same experience because reading this, it felt like I was reading my own story!?

There was a point in my life (when I was young) where I would chase after a Houdini and demand an explanation but then I grew up and got to a point where if you keep quiet, then life goes on, nami I keep quiet. But for some reason, this infuriates aboHoudini too. Like the Houdini mentioned above would disappear then come back and complain about how I did not even contact him. Bathong, kodwa you are the one who disappeared??

Mandy however writes that you should actually demand an explanation:

“I think the “He’s Just Not That Into You” culture has given men too much of a pass. We’re allowing men to simply vanish from our lives with zero explanation or accountability, shrugging it off as “Well, he’s just not that into me.” NO. This is not okay.

If a man has been actively pursuing and wooing and doing everything in his power to stir your affections for him for a week or a month or even a DAY…he owes it to you to tell you in a direct and upfront manner when that pursuit is coming to an end. If a friend just disappeared from your life without explanation, you wouldn’t just let it slide, would you? So why are we so quick to do it with a man?” 

Hayi, I honestly don’t have the energy nor the time to chase an explanation when it should have been offered from the start so I will not take Mandy’s advice on this one. I’d rather just shut up as well and deal with my frustrations far away from him. Yhuuu kunini sikhalela abafana, I’m over that now.

A friend of mine recently told me that her boyfriend sent her a breakup text and she replied “LOL” & carried on with her life… I think I’m about that life now as well, we can’t still be chasing people, ngeke.

You can read the rest of Mandy’s article What to Do When a Guy Pulls a Disappearing Act HERE. 

Oh, and another blogger writes about how the return happens and I laughed out loud reading this coz yet again… “We’ve all been dating the same guy.”

“For six long weeks you’ve wished and prayed for a sign or just a word from this guy. And on a sunny Sunday afternoon, your cell phone rings, and as you reach down to retrieve your cell from your designer bag, you see it. A text message from him that simply reads: “Hello.” You sit there quietly, pondering what you should do. Everything in you is telling you not to respond, to keep it moving. Of course you don’t listen to that wise voice in your head. You tell yourself you’re only going to respond because you’re curious to hear where he’s been for the past six weeks. You text a cool “hello” back.

“I miss you,” he texts, and after several more back and forth messages that don’t include any valid reason for his disappearance, you agree to meet up with him That NIGHT. And, what’s worse, he doesn’t invite you out to a movie or to dinner. He invites you to his house. And we know that only one thing is going down once we go that route.” 

I know I’m not the only one with a Houdini story, what did yours do? I’m laughing in anticipation. lol

#HoudinisMustFall

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