How To Know You’re Overstaying Your Welcome

overstaying your welcome
Article by Keagile Makgoba. Posted on August 19 2016 at 7:42 am

Growing up, my mom was very strict about me visiting friends for sleepovers. I would get so upset if ever she said no. I never understood why someone would deprive her child of happiness; greatness at its best. Along with the “o ska jela metseng yabatho” rule, my life seemed like it made no sense.

The older I get the more I realise that mama knows best. At that time, I didn’t get it but now I do. I personally enjoy being in the comfort of my own space. Home. Where I can put my feet up on the couch and snap my life away and eating as much as I want to without feeling guilty. Most times, it actually bothers me when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t think this necessarily makes me anti social, because I am not. I really just appreciate the space.

Recently, I came across a conversation about overstaying your welcome. Look, a night out with your friends may lead to a sleep over, or a date to a pro-longed night cap or coffee session and sometimes, your cousin from hundreds of kilometres away may come for a visit. It happens. But when do we know that we have exhausted our visiting rights? I don’t like visitors much when home, so I always assume the next person may possibly feel the same and in the same regard, try and move on as swiftly as possible.

overstaying your welcome

Ladies, when in a relationship, I think we just love spending time with the bae. Who wouldn’t? Movie, popcorn, drinks and warm arms. However, when do we draw the line, pack our bags and head home?

Hanging out with the bae – From the guys

Modise (@Mosensei), part of the popular circle on social media shared his views on visits from the bae and this is what he had to say:

How often do you expect your GF to visit you?

I’m a working man so once or twice a week is good enough for me. I’m not a fan of spending too much time together. I’d like some time to do the things I like to do away from you as well. Also, it gives me a chance to miss you properly. I’m not like women, who most times like to spend as much time as possible with their partner.

How long do you think women should visit their BF’s for, when staying over?

I think it depends on the relationship and how often they get to see each other. As I said I work so I got only the weekend to live so for me one night and day is enough. I’d like you to leave the following day. Most times we don’t say anything because we don’t want to hurt feelings but I’m pretty sure most guys reach the “I wish she’d leave” long before she actually leaves

What is the one annoying thing that you feel women do when at their partner’s place and think they should stop?

I can’t think of anything big that annoys me. I just like a woman that cares about the general wellbeing of my place. In terms of neatness. I love a woman that takes care of me

Hanging out with the bae – From the ladies

Of course, in all fairness, I had to get a view from the ladies too. This is what some had to say:

Thandi (@Mynaamis_tandie): The only guy who’s allowed to stay long at my place is a guy who has contributed to groceries or house items. And I hate it when a guy comes over and leaves his things here ekare ke ha mmae.

Phumi (@Njullz): Being in a long distance relationship, I don’t get to see my boyfriend often, it’s never more than a week. In actual fact if it were a case of having him around in general, a week would be enough.

Lesedi (@LesediMets): Can’t stay for more than 2 days, if you’re the last to wake up, make up the bed and if I cook, wash the dishes though.

Overstaying your welcome

How to spot that you are overstaying your welcome

  1. Your toiletries are taking up more counter space in the bathroom than theirs; you may also have personal items stored in the medicine cabinet.
  2. When it’s time to clean the house, they leave your messy corner of the room just the way it is, passive-aggressively calling attention to the chaos you’ve brought into their home.
  3. You’ve basically consumed everything edible/drinkable in the house.

For relationships, the best thing to do is to communicate expectations of one another. For now, I will do my best to listen to mama’s lessons on staying in my own lane. It seems to work wonders and hey, no one is bothered either.

What’s your take?

By Keagi

10 Comments

  1. I love being at home, with no visitors. This other time my cousin came to visit. Now she just rocked up at night, on Friday, with TWO kids. That time we are still in the middle of winter. To make matters worse, she said she was spending the weekend.

    I am not anti-social but I never spend a weekend at anyone’s house so really It did not make sense. I sent her back to her place telling that I don’ have blankets for them or food either. Since then she is not speaking to me. I’m sure she told the whole family that I am a villain. Now on Saturday my brother is getting married. I wonder if they will be talking to me. lol though i really don’t give a damn!!

    • Family does that most of the time, we have to set boundaries with them, even friends. I like my space! So unannounced visitors are not welcomed. Luckily my friends we do not invade each other’s spaces. We set dates well in advance and we meet up most of the time at restaurant. Good luck with you family in the funeral on Saturday.

      • Lol, its a wedding.
        Thanks, I hope it goes well. At least I have a killer outfit so that’s one thing in my favour.

      • I also prefer restaurant visits unless we want to braai and just relax and taking shoes off kind of vibe. even then, it must be pre-arranged

    • I think people forget that the space is yours just because you are family. That’s not fair 🙁 And I am sure you would have prepared for them had you known that they were coming. Hope you enjoy the wedding and dont get involved in drama.Talk to everyone and if ba snaaks, ezabo mos

  2. Hi guys, long time.

    Lol I love my space but tend to be that GF that overstays #hides.

    My friend who has since relocated used to annoy the hell out of me. She will call on Friday that she is coming and obvious spending the weekend. she will start by complaining that my fridge is empty, why did I buy a defy microwave in 20th century, nywe nywe nywe. She used to hurt me so much shem but I will just keep quiet and smile. That time, I only visited her if she asked me and I would never open her fridge or nywereza about her furniture or lack of. I thanked God the day she relocated.

    At home we never get visitors cos we all stay in the same area.

    • Geez Thando thats not nice. My friend Thandi would say “if you not buying anything here then you dont have a say up in here”. Honestly!

      At some point though, I think you should let her know it didnt sit well with you. It isyour space after all. I didnt realise how much I would appreciate being on my own the older I got and it might the change in the next few years when a companion is now required hahaha

  3. I like my space shame. I am a loner by nature even my family knows that. You visit me on my request. I am very lucky again bcoz I stay far from all of them. They tell me in advance if they plan to visit which is not very often and works on my favour. They also don’t stay for long.

    The worse thing about me is that I do things in a particular way and I want them done that way all the time from the bed to the cupboards, so really visitors just mess up all that. Sometimes I could tell that they can feel they are not welcome anymore. I’m a clean freak . That time my boyfriend is soo messy and he is always in my house. I literally have to follow him around to ensure things are the way I want them. He had to ask not to do the bed bcoz he can’t do it like I do

    • Poor boyfriend! hahahahahahha At least you guys understand eachother

  4. I have a boyfriend right now that ive been with for 4 months and ever since he came over to my place 4 months ago, he hasn’t left. I just told him last night that he needs to start staying at his place a few night out of the week. my apartment is small just a 400 sqft flat and his shit is taking up my space and he is messy. i’m surprised i lasted this long without snapping at him. today i received my utility bill and its $134 bucks! he stays up late while i’m trying to sleep and its running up my bill. i’m so glad i said something last night but i will find out later today if he actually left. don’t know what i’m going to do if he is still there chilling in my apartment eating up my food and running up my utility and internet bill.


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overstaying your welcome

Growing up, my mom was very strict about me visiting friends for sleepovers. I would get so upset if ever she said no. I never understood why someone would deprive her child of happiness; greatness at its best. Along with the “o ska jela metseng yabatho” rule, my life seemed like it made no sense.

The older I get the more I realise that mama knows best. At that time, I didn’t get it but now I do. I personally enjoy being in the comfort of my own space. Home. Where I can put my feet up on the couch and snap my life away and eating as much as I want to without feeling guilty. Most times, it actually bothers me when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t think this necessarily makes me anti social, because I am not. I really just appreciate the space.

Recently, I came across a conversation about overstaying your welcome. Look, a night out with your friends may lead to a sleep over, or a date to a pro-longed night cap or coffee session and sometimes, your cousin from hundreds of kilometres away may come for a visit. It happens. But when do we know that we have exhausted our visiting rights? I don’t like visitors much when home, so I always assume the next person may possibly feel the same and in the same regard, try and move on as swiftly as possible.

overstaying your welcome

Ladies, when in a relationship, I think we just love spending time with the bae. Who wouldn’t? Movie, popcorn, drinks and warm arms. However, when do we draw the line, pack our bags and head home?

Hanging out with the bae – From the guys

Modise (@Mosensei), part of the popular circle on social media shared his views on visits from the bae and this is what he had to say:

How often do you expect your GF to visit you?

I’m a working man so once or twice a week is good enough for me. I’m not a fan of spending too much time together. I’d like some time to do the things I like to do away from you as well. Also, it gives me a chance to miss you properly. I’m not like women, who most times like to spend as much time as possible with their partner.

How long do you think women should visit their BF’s for, when staying over?

I think it depends on the relationship and how often they get to see each other. As I said I work so I got only the weekend to live so for me one night and day is enough. I’d like you to leave the following day. Most times we don’t say anything because we don’t want to hurt feelings but I’m pretty sure most guys reach the “I wish she’d leave” long before she actually leaves

What is the one annoying thing that you feel women do when at their partner’s place and think they should stop?

I can’t think of anything big that annoys me. I just like a woman that cares about the general wellbeing of my place. In terms of neatness. I love a woman that takes care of me

Hanging out with the bae – From the ladies

Of course, in all fairness, I had to get a view from the ladies too. This is what some had to say:

Thandi (@Mynaamis_tandie): The only guy who’s allowed to stay long at my place is a guy who has contributed to groceries or house items. And I hate it when a guy comes over and leaves his things here ekare ke ha mmae.

Phumi (@Njullz): Being in a long distance relationship, I don’t get to see my boyfriend often, it’s never more than a week. In actual fact if it were a case of having him around in general, a week would be enough.

Lesedi (@LesediMets): Can’t stay for more than 2 days, if you’re the last to wake up, make up the bed and if I cook, wash the dishes though.

Overstaying your welcome

How to spot that you are overstaying your welcome

  1. Your toiletries are taking up more counter space in the bathroom than theirs; you may also have personal items stored in the medicine cabinet.
  2. When it’s time to clean the house, they leave your messy corner of the room just the way it is, passive-aggressively calling attention to the chaos you’ve brought into their home.
  3. You’ve basically consumed everything edible/drinkable in the house.

For relationships, the best thing to do is to communicate expectations of one another. For now, I will do my best to listen to mama’s lessons on staying in my own lane. It seems to work wonders and hey, no one is bothered either.

What’s your take?

By Keagi

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