Girl can not live on idea alone.
A couple of months ago, I was sitting with my girls and we were having one of those talks. Obviously about boys and how weird they are. 2 hours later, after much deliberation, we all came to an astounding conclusion. A WOMAN CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP IN HER HEAD ALL BY HERSELF! Yeah, that’s right. ALONE. It’s crazy right? Let me tell you a little story, a sad one if I may add.
I have this friend, and I love her to bits, but looking back now, I think that she is a little crazy, silently and calmly. She started working at a new place some years ago, and being the beautiful girl that she is, she was bound to attract a male specie or two, and she did. She met a guy- he was tall and not so handsome but he had dimples and an infectious smile, so I guess he was cute. I think he liked her, but in a strange way, (in the way that guy likes girl when guy’s girlfriend works in the same building).
So anyway, my friend and this not-so-handsome-dimpled guy had a bit of chemistry (or not). He would smile at her, and talk to her briefly, call her once a month, and sometimes he would even visit her… pass by really, it wasn’t really a visit now that I think about it. She was in love with this bloke, well according to her, they were in love with each other. They were two tortured souls yearning to be in the warm embrace of one another. Apparently. It was painful, we would stay up until the wee hours of the morning and she would tell me how in love they are and how agonizing it is that they couldn’t be together.
This went on for a year. Until one day, (I’d had enough complaining) we were walking down the street to my flat, talking about him (as usual) and I asked her “what value is this guy adding to your life again?“ When last did you guys go out for coffee, or a picnic or a movie or spend a boring Saturday together catching up on reruns of Will and Grace?“ And it hit us! She had created the whole thing in her head. They had never gone out for coffee, or breakfast, or a picnic; he had never declared his undying love for her, he had only ever kissed her once or twice that year, he only called her once a month. So how in the world did she deduce that they were deeply in love and the only reason that they couldn’t be together was because he was such a decent guy, he had to stay with his girlfriend out of loyalty?
For one full year, the whole thing was in her head. The only thing the guy had to do was… be alive to feature in her movie. To be honest, he had never done anything to make her believe that they were in a relationship, or that a relationship was in the cards for them in the near future. The guy just liked her, and she took the fantasy relationship to mars and back, all in her head, alone.
Hers is not an uncommon story among girls, so don’t you sit there and judge her. Sometimes a girl really likes a guy and she has the whole relationship drawn up in her head long before it even starts, and all he has to do is incept one idea that it is possible, and she will take that idea and run with it. But on the flip side of things, guys do add marinade to the braai. When guy and girl are dating, he will say little leading things like “I want our daughter to have your eyes” or “I will buy you that Mini Cooper for your wedding gift” or “When we are married, you can have your own walk in closet”.
This is dangerous talk, guy! DANGEROUS! He says all these things in jest, but in HER heads, he is saying “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can’t wait to marry you”. So it is not entirely our fault you know. It’s the guy, feeding the monster that is THE IDEA.
Then one day, you break up with this man that you sincerely thought you were going to marry and the bricks that hold your head together fall apart.
It is not the relationship that is hard to let go of, it is letting go of the idea that you have invested so much time and thought building that is tricky to let go of. And when you go back and do an unemotional audit of your failed relationship, you realise that where it fell short, is where there were high and unrealistic expectations that you created, that were not met. Personally I blame all my ideas, fantasies and unrealistic expectations on Daniel Steel and Nicholas Sparks. But that is a topic for another day.
So in a nutshell what am I saying? Thou shall not fall victim to THE IDEA. Thou shall run as fast as possible when expectation knocks and thou shall not get ahead of oneself. Do not trust the castles you build in your head, they are very misleading. And on the flip side, guys, please stop feeding our monsters. Please.Just. Stop.
These are conversations I have with myself, I am just sharing them with you.