Why The Term “Trophy Wife” Makes Me Uncomfortable


Article by Bontle Latoya Maodi. Posted on June 21 2016 at 6:39 am

This was supposed to be a response to an article written by Vuyi Zondi  title “There’s A New Trophy Wife In Town“, but it brought about so many things that bother me about expectations of the modern woman, mostly by men and society in general. I think I might have derailed from the topic but here goes:

Going back to that article, the term “Trophy Wife” makes me uncomfortable.

In this article, so many positive things are being said about the ‘trophy wife’: she is opinionated, educated, successful in the career path she has chosen, intelligent… The list goes on. But my opinion is that this term alone still belittles the woman. The article goes on to say, ”
“…a strong man wants a strong partner who can build his empire alongside him…”. Pause for a minute! It’s good to know that this ‘strong’ man wants someone by his side while he builds his empire. What about the modern woman and her empire, is this strong man ready to be by her side too? Please let that sink in…

In many occassions, I have observed men openly stating the type of woman they want and some of the things I have come across include:

  • She must be educated
  • She must have not only a degree, but a postgrad too (I swear, this has been tweeted before.)
  • She must be able to cook
  • She must be Beautiful

I could go on and on.

Not a trophy wife
Just last week, I saw, a tweet with the “Requirements of a future wife.” And on the list was, “she must come from a good background”.

I’ve had conversations with a male friend and an ex, and they both have expressed how they do not want a woman with ‘daddy issues’. How ironic! Is it not true that for a woman to have daddy issues, they are mostly caused by the absence of a man?

Men openly tell us what they want in a woman, they tell us their requirements and to be fair, that’s what they want, that’s what they find attractive, it’s their choice. And society accepts that this is. My concern is that, on many occasions, whenever a woman openly declared what she wants in a man, both men and other women are quick to label her as a gold digger. Society goes as far as questioning if the things she wants, she can get on her own. When it’s a man telling us his expectations, we rarely question him. We even say things like “he has standards”, “levels!”…

The things we say we want in a men, are more or less the same as what they also want in a woman. The most common things most woman want are (disclaimer: this is my assumption):

  • He must be ambitious
  • Intelligent
  • Successful
  • Good sense of humour

For some reason what we want gets challenged and viewed negatively. I’ve heard women who aren’t shy go as far as saying he must earn this much. However society is not accepting when a woman says this. I’ve heard men wanting the same from women  but we never challenge their CHOICE. Double standards as always…

IMG_4405

As much as each generation evolves, some things still remain the same. Women are still made to feel inferior, women are objectified hence we are so comfortable to refer to ourselves as “trophy wives” as if it’s a positive thing.

By Bontle

6 Comments

  1. What a great read. I totally agree with Bontle. Gone are the days when women were objectified based on their looks. Modern women are inspired to aim high by shinning their light to success. What men can do, women can do better!!

  2. “I’ve had conversations with a male friend and an ex, and they both have expressed how they do not want a woman with ‘daddy issues’. How ironic! Is it not true that for a woman to have daddy issues, they are mostly caused by the absence of a man?”

    I’m SO-VERY-MUCH-OVER pointing out this fact to male friends…And I use the same word —> IRONIC! The carnage (Yes, carnage!) they leave behind, in the name of “that’s just how men are” or “this is what we do”… Unfortunately, its still very much a mans world.

  3. I hope at some point in time, the world will stop being so hard on women…

  4. Grrr. “What about the modern woman and her empire, is this strong man ready to be by her side too?” AMAZING. love this.
    Such a FIERY article. Nothing but the truth told here.

    • Thanks Lerato

  5. I think people place too much focus on money, holding the trophy, climbing to the top, being a success, power and power couples, being or not being a gold digger, men and women building their 80 year lifespan empires. Focusing only on the material. What about the spiritual bonds? What about the word love? The word love is not even mentioned once in either article, and it does not surprise me at all in today’s world, and no one even missed it.

    Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

    Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”


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This was supposed to be a response to an article written by Vuyi Zondi  title “There’s A New Trophy Wife In Town“, but it brought about so many things that bother me about expectations of the modern woman, mostly by men and society in general. I think I might have derailed from the topic but here goes:

Going back to that article, the term “Trophy Wife” makes me uncomfortable.

In this article, so many positive things are being said about the ‘trophy wife’: she is opinionated, educated, successful in the career path she has chosen, intelligent… The list goes on. But my opinion is that this term alone still belittles the woman. The article goes on to say, ”
“…a strong man wants a strong partner who can build his empire alongside him…”. Pause for a minute! It’s good to know that this ‘strong’ man wants someone by his side while he builds his empire. What about the modern woman and her empire, is this strong man ready to be by her side too? Please let that sink in…

In many occassions, I have observed men openly stating the type of woman they want and some of the things I have come across include:

  • She must be educated
  • She must have not only a degree, but a postgrad too (I swear, this has been tweeted before.)
  • She must be able to cook
  • She must be Beautiful

I could go on and on.

Not a trophy wife
Just last week, I saw, a tweet with the “Requirements of a future wife.” And on the list was, “she must come from a good background”.

I’ve had conversations with a male friend and an ex, and they both have expressed how they do not want a woman with ‘daddy issues’. How ironic! Is it not true that for a woman to have daddy issues, they are mostly caused by the absence of a man?

Men openly tell us what they want in a woman, they tell us their requirements and to be fair, that’s what they want, that’s what they find attractive, it’s their choice. And society accepts that this is. My concern is that, on many occasions, whenever a woman openly declared what she wants in a man, both men and other women are quick to label her as a gold digger. Society goes as far as questioning if the things she wants, she can get on her own. When it’s a man telling us his expectations, we rarely question him. We even say things like “he has standards”, “levels!”…

The things we say we want in a men, are more or less the same as what they also want in a woman. The most common things most woman want are (disclaimer: this is my assumption):

  • He must be ambitious
  • Intelligent
  • Successful
  • Good sense of humour

For some reason what we want gets challenged and viewed negatively. I’ve heard women who aren’t shy go as far as saying he must earn this much. However society is not accepting when a woman says this. I’ve heard men wanting the same from women  but we never challenge their CHOICE. Double standards as always…

IMG_4405

As much as each generation evolves, some things still remain the same. Women are still made to feel inferior, women are objectified hence we are so comfortable to refer to ourselves as “trophy wives” as if it’s a positive thing.

By Bontle

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