I always heard stories about it from friends. In fact to be exact about 4 of them had similar experiences in 2016 / early 2017. I could only imagine how they felt as I had never experienced it before.
I’m a mother of 2 boys and it was always my dream to have 3 kids. Of course I would have loved to have a girl in between, Minnie ME! So my husband and I tried for our “last born” and we were blessed to be carrying another boy. Yes! I was to have 3 boys at home. At first I was a bit disappointed however I later embraced what God has given me. I truly fell in love with the idea of having a boys’ only home which meant I would be the only Queen in the house.
On the 15th February 2017 I had gone to Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist at Morningside Medi-Clinic, where they do a full ANOMALY SCAN to check everything about the pregnancy and the baby. I had to wait about 2 months for the appointment. Everything came out clear, meaning everything was normal. There were no abnormalities about the baby and no concerns about my pregnancy. My risk was 1:1331.
So I was happy and content with my pregnancy knowing that everything is fine as confirmed by the Specialist. At this point I was 25 weeks pregnant.
On the 4th of March 2017 on a Saturday afternoon I had come back from my Saturday routine of taking the little ones to swimming classes. While I was resting at home, I noticed a vaginal watering discharge (not smelly) coming out to a point that I needed panty liners and I changed them constantly on the day. Not feeling any pains yet. I contacted my Gynae; his phone was on voice mail. I then contacted a friend of mine who was pregnant to ask if she has experienced anything like this, she told me she has and that her Gynae told her it is normal. I then contacted another friend of mine who is a Pharmacist and googled on the side and she told me if it is not smelly, it is fine. Google also told me that this fluid is normal.
My helper, whom I am very grateful of, encouraged that I should go the hospital and not stay longer at home with something I was not sure of. My husband was away on travel. Luckily my younger sister had come for a visit so I went with her to the hospital. At this point I was feeling some pains but only for short moments and not that intense. I also got hold of my Gynae who also encouraged that I should go to the hospital.
As I walked into the hospital to check myself in an emergency, I remember joking to my sister saying, these people will laugh at me because there’s really nothing wrong with me as I thought the minor pains were probably from the fact that I needed some rest. I was immediately transferred to the Maternity Ward.
I remember I still called my husband and told him that I’m at hospital and that he should not worry, in fact there’s not even a need for him to come back as I still thought nothing was of major concern.
I met a very lovely sister/nurse who took care of me before my Gynae arrived and the first thing they checked were the contractions, so I went in a monitor for about 30 minutes or so. To my surprise I had regular contractions meaning I was in labour. “I’m 25 weeks pregnant, this baby is very tiny and premature labour is a risk” Those were the words running through my head. The nurse assured me that even though they have noticed the contractions, however she was still determined that the baby will not be out any time soon. I got an injection which they told me will stop the contractions. An hour later while I was laying on the bed my water broke. I screamed and called the nurse. Mind you I was to have a C-Section with the baby I was carrying. That’s when I called my husband and told him “Kushubile” you need to be here urgently. When the sister came I could see the look in her eyes being shocked for the fact that my water broke and upon checking me she told me I’m diluted and the baby is coming out.
I was then rushed into the delivery room. The time between my water breaking and delivery was about 10 minutes. At around 19h00 I delivered a tiny beautiful baby boy. He only survived for about 40 minutes and he was no more.
I cannot begin to express how that felt and I now know and understand how other women who went through the same/similar experience felt. I can never explain the pain of losing your own flesh. Thank you to my husband, family and friends who supported me through such a traumatic experience. Everyone that knows me knows how much I love kids. I truly did not see it coming. However I have accepted that everything happens for a reason and that God was with me every step of the way.
Now my dilemma is, I don’t know what to call my experience whether it was a still born or a miscarriage. The baby was very small weighed 550g and hence he could not make it. His lungs were underdeveloped so he only lived for few minutes. When people ask what happened, I cannot explain it in better terms. I do not think it was a still born as they baby was born alive, at the same time it was not a miscarriage. Whatever it was, IT WAS PAINFUL!
To all the women that went through a similar experience, know that you are not alone. However, we never talk about it publicly; but I decided to break this chain as so many women revealed they had gone through a similar experience after I hearing me share mine.
Do not feel ashamed and I hope you have found comfort in God and healed. It takes time. I’m still dealing with it, but feeling better than before.
On a lighter note… I can fortunately still try again and hopefully it will be a girl the next time.
If you’ve had a similar experience, please share with us and let us know how you handled people asking, how is the baby?