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When Being Strong And Keeping It Together Exhausts You

When Keeping It Together And Being Strong Becomes An Exhaustion

More often than not we deliberately and consciously tell us ourselves that we need to be strong and keep it together.  This also obliges us to supress how we truly feel on the inside, because in most times we are troubled about our reflection on the outside. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to stand on the mountain and scream aloud and tell the world and universe their greatest burdens but if we are so concerned about how we appear to the outside world rather how we truly feel about ourselves – how do we then ensure that we deal with our triumphs that sometimes take away so much from our well-being physically, emotionally and otherwise.  I often wonder if the little private moments that we afford ourselves to cry and fall apart are enough to lighten these loads or save us from ourselves.

Being Strong


I know for a fact that some people end up treating others badly unintentionally (some intentionally) because of how they truly feel and what they’re going through. Agree or disagree but sometimes keeping it together and choosing to be strong makes it even harder to ask for help even when we know we need it the most. We may not admit it but keeping it together and being strong drains and silently kills us too.

Sometimes we feel hopeless and uninspired and because we are too hard on ourselves we tend to forget that we are no islands nor made to perfection, that we cannot be FINE nor OKAY , we convince ourselves that we have to be in charge and in control at all times.

My dear darling – allow me to take this moment to assure that it is okay NOT TO BE okay sometimes , that as strong as you are made to be – you  need to be shaken every now and again just so you can be stronger even more. You are no island nor iron nor steel that you won’t get or feel hurt and sad sometimes. You will want to let go and give up sometimes and that too is okay - you are human , a perfect imperfection therefore sometimes it’s okay to just embrace your imperfections and allow them to just reflect because after all – it is our bruises and scars that make us who we truly are.

Truth is: - things aren’t always going to go according to plan, promises will be broken, our hearts will be shattered, we will be disappointed not only in others but in ourselves too – therefore when keeping it together and being strong becomes an exhaustion don’t be afraid to let yourself be after all “a wise man once said “it is not about how many times we fall but rather getting up every time we do”

By  Akhona  MsAcko  Zondani

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22 comments on “When Being Strong And Keeping It Together Exhausts You”

  1. So needed to read this, having to grow way fast in life can really take a toll on you. You learn to be strong and you tend to think you don't need to have moments of weakness or atleast you shouldn't have those moments 'during the people' such that everything comes boiling down and you are worn out and you just want to be child and be cared for just this one time.

    1. We constantly convince ourselves that being strong is our only option but fail to examine how being strong affects our well being. I hope this piece enlightens and encourages one to look after themselves and not focus so much on being strong and keeping it together.

  2. Fully agree.....
    When we are weak then we are strong. We have to be weak for us to be strong, for His grace is sufficient for us in our weaknesses.

    1. For his strength is made great in weakness, we shouldn't be so afraid to be weak because that's what makes us strong.

  3. Beautiful post MsAcko, thank you so much.
    I think I'm dealing with having to pretend I'm okay, even though I know deep down ziyabuya... It's a good thing that I recognize what's going on right? Now to get it sorted... sigh.

    1. Unfortunately in the kind of world that we live in - it's like we are not allowed to be vulnerable for everyone to see because there are always culprits that are always waiting and hoping for us to loose it so that they may use it against us. For me , as long as we are able to recognize it , allow ourselves time to deal , seek help when we feel its bigger than us then we should be fine.

  4. Wow this article spoke to me.I do not know how to ask for help or how to stop and allow myself to take in everything that happens in my life.It's liberating to know that i am not alone.I have a long way to go in learning how to be a lot less strong and unfazed by things that happen.

    1. You are indeed not alone Refiloe. I know it's hard and believe me , it's a journey . Hope this encourages you to not be afraid to seek help for the sake of your well being.

  5. "It's OKAY not to be OKAY" know society has robbed us of this...we constantly need to show everyone that you're okay that you are managing just fine when you are breaking. When your heart is breaking into million pieces. Society took from us Ubuntu to say to the next person what can I do...what do you can I help...or just and cry with that person.
    We need to end this for the sake of our children. We need to show and teach them that you fall once in a while and stay down it's okay...BUT you Rise again stronger and wiser. That when you see someone else stretch your arm to help...
    Thank you Ms took me to a place I once was a while back I fell and fell hard the world saw me as weak and defeated BUT I Rise...still I Rise again...

  6. I needed this. I'm not okay. (Doesn't feel okay saying it even to myself) Haven't been okay for a long long while. Today I sought help for the first time. This article came at the right time.

    1. Wow, thank you for sharing Ntuthu M. I'm glad to have made an impact on you. Trust me , you've made it on me too. I hope you get better.

  7. "We convince ourselves that we have to be in charge and in control at all times"...

    This is a very strong statement for me as I, for a very long time, did not allow myself opportunity to say "I am not OK". I have come to learn that allowing yourself to breakdown sometimes is the strongest move one can make.

    Thank you MsAcko

    1. I'm glad to learn that you've found strength in knowing that it is OK not to be OK and allowing yourself to deal. I think that's healthy. Thank you for sharing

  8. Its tiring to pretend like all is good, i think for me its more like bazothini abantu.... friends and family. Please advise where you can people because i feel like im about to explode. Im 36, unemployed, uneducated which makes it difficult for me to find work. I only have more than 5 years of office admin work experience. I don't know what to do anymore im soooooo depressed.

    1. Hey Lera -

      When all hope is lost and somewhat gone - Take time off to be with yourself ,
      have a conversation with yourself assuming that you know yourself best. Read , Pray or do that one thing that helps you get yourself together again. Throwing a pity party for oneself at times may be a necessity that we need to do in order to gather strength to move forward. But it also matters that you don't spend too much time in it. Don't let it consume you.

      the " Abantu bazothini " vibe can only destroy you - it doesn't build but note this "whether you do wright or wrong , people will always have something to say. So , I say "LET GO - don't allow it to control you". In the end - nguwe ozaziyo nonokuzihlangula kwesisimo ukuso - it's all in the mind. Chin up and keep your head up !!!

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