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I'm Turning 25 And I Have No Friends. How Do I Make Friends?

I received an email from a CHICA reader who reminded me of one of the reasons we started this platform. In my welcome post, I mentioned that I often experience moments of loneliness & had hoped that Chica would fill the gap for many of us who go through those moments so her email hit a nerve because I felt like somehow I'd abandoned, or haven't yet fulfilled the promise of Chica's purpose. To solve for what she raises.

I'm going to post her mail, we'll call her 'Tshidi' and hopefully you will be able to answer the questions, both for Tshidi and me. And I know there will be at least one or two other Chicas who'd want to know, but also more who will have answers 🙂


The Email:

Hello Chicas, lovely blog, thank you for allowing us a space to be ourselves.

Would one of you ladies please write an article about finding friends.

I am turning 25 and I have no friends. I'm talking friends that I can regularly hang out with and trust, like true sisters.

All my life I've sort of had a best friend. I had one in high school and one in varsity however people move on, meet other people, move to different places and suddenly the friendship just ends.
Does this just happen to me?? Please say it doesn't!

I am quite an introvert which I suppose is not helping my situation.

I have no one to hang out with, no girlfriend to halla at or do any "friendshippy " things with.

Is this normal? Do any your readers have this issue?
Please tell me, how do I make friends and where do I find them?


What would your response be and how did you meet your friends?

Thinking about my current friends, I realize just what a big role social media played in meeting them.

Lookong forward to hearing what advice you have for Tshidi. And me.




17 comments on “I'm Turning 25 And I Have No Friends. How Do I Make Friends?”

  1. I find that the older I get the less easy it is to make friends. Mostly it's because people are already in their little groups and are not looking for new friends. When I moved to school in Dec I met a few girls from diff African countries. At first it was a friendship of convenience but then I started really liking and getting along with a couple and that's how I've made friends in school. At work (MP) I have one friend, she too is from KZN like me. So at first the friendship was just because we are from the same province but we have become good friends since. So what has worked for me is finding something common with people from work/school and be the one to suggest an activity. You'll find the other person also likes hanging out with you but are scared to suggest something. Just ask if they want to catch a movie with you and this might be your in.

    I hope in future we can actually DM girls and say "I think you are cool, do you think we could be friends?". There's a dating app Bumble which now has a BFF finding section. I hope it takes off 🙂

  2. Tshidi can also make friends at church or even at work . She must try to be open to everyone who is willing to befriend her and not to keep to herself as this will make people distance themselves from her.

  3. I had a friend that I met in high school, she wa like a sister but our relationship of 10 years dissolved when she betrayed me. It's hard for me to make friends as I'm an introvert but the 2 friends I have currently one I meat through my then boyfriend and the other I met at school. Just find someone you have something in common with and ask if they'd like to go see a movie or lunch. Good luck!

  4. I find it so easy to make friends maybe its because ke a phapha and talk too much (so I have been told). I am a "Hyper" introvert and still love my space. I met my friend 12yrs ago in tertiary and we've been friends since. We hook up about 6 imes in a year but we always there for each other, be it phone calls or social media. She is based in the south and I in the north, only less than 40minutes drive. I like that we give each other space and when we catch up, it is fun I tell you. Be part of a running group if you into fitness, you sure will make friends. You can attend a concert of your favorite artist by yourself and just walk up to them and introduce yourself and ask if you can hangout with them then you will see if they are your cup of tea or not. You can't sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, go out there, SPEAK UP and make friends. All the best!

  5. Hi Tshidi. You and I have the same problem. I find it extremely hard to make and KEEP friends. I grew up in a household where friendships were discouraged all together. My grandmother used to say there's no such thing as a friend. I was always told "do your chores, plays with your toys, watch TV and if you get tired of all of that you know where your bed is" . I think that robbed of the chance of learning how to make friends. I had 1 friend in high school. We no longer friends. In varsity I managed to make 3 friends. Well, I'm still friends with one of them. In total right now I have about 5 friends that I HARDLY see or spend time with. But God blessed me with a best friend that I see regularly and have learnt to love dearly ke. I no longer stress myself about not having many friends though. It's okay, I actually like it now.

  6. Shuuu Tshidi, This is so hard I'm struggling with making friends too ever since I moved to the US is even harder, Lol I used to be that girl that everyone wants to be friends with, but boy now? lol I try to meet people at the gym, ask if we could have lunch but they mostly are not interested it's such a weird feeling because I'm not used to rejection. Hehe I had one friend that but she was so clingy I could not handle her so I let her go, now I miss her because I'm lonely. Good luck try harder join book clubs also do some volunteering stuff you might meet people there. I think my friend will be my future husband I gave up on trying to find friends.

  7. I grew up with so many friends bandla, I can make friends easy. But my friends moved to JHB bonke & I was left lana coz that place is not for me, too pretentious. So I would try make friends with girls that I've known for a bit or the people we frequent the same spots but the drama I would experience :'( I dropped them & found a nice girl 7 year my junior we had such a lovely relationship for a few year now I don't know whats going on coz she doesn't communicate. Am not even hurt about it anymore. some people are just not meant to stay in your life. I have a partner now. it will be a year this month, he is my bestie. We do things together, we are even looking to find couple friends so we can get to socialize with other people outside of us 3 (me, him & the kid) auditioning other couples has become so much fun for me but not so much for him lol ...

    Tshidi, try book clubs/ running clubs/ the gym. I made a friend waiting in line e Mac Donalds one lol such a lovely girl, her husband made me feel uncomfortable so I had to let her go 🙁

  8. I am here for the advise too...
    I find it so hard to make new friends too, the friends I have now are from high school/varsity dayS. They are all in relationships now, have babies and hardly have the time to do friendshippy things with me:(
    Sorry to side step but WHERE do we find baes guys??? Nna I am tired now, I want my plus!

  9. I also had/have a very difficult time making friends,i only have one friend still from tertiary and happen to stay the same area now,some of the friends i have,we met online,me having "resting bitch face"does not help with making friends,but once i start talking and we gel,i can never stop,i love laughing.

    She should maybe try making friends online,via social media groups,if you gel then you would exchange numbers and take it from there.

  10. Shuuuu Tshidi, that's also my struggle. I moved to PMB in 2013 and I still don't have any friends. I have no idea where or how to start. I also suffer from depression and anxiety disorder so that doesn't help one bit. I talk to the ladies at gym but our convos end there lol, I'm scared to approach people, I don't wanna impose or come across as a weirdo. I just shed a tear earlier this a.m. when I checked my results and saw that I passed all my modules but had no one to tell and celebrate with.

  11. I relate so much with this article, well I'm 35 years, moved to MP 2 years back without my family. I struggle making friends, i only know people from work but we not necessarily friends. Worse, MP social scene is not existent. I'm that loner who comes from work, then straight to the house.

  12. Try to figure out your character, dislikes, aspirations, things you like doing for fun.
    Then find people who share these. It is difficult though but I find it soul fulfilling with my number of friends and things we offer to each other. Having 10 true friends that empowering and real is better than 10K useless people. Trust me

  13. I am in the same situation as yours. I have some friends just to chat with but no one to go out or share my thoughts and friend who cares about me.I don't have any friends at my work place. How to make new friends any suggestions.

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