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The Tedious Task Of First Time Dates

So you have finally pulled yourself together after your last relationship blew up in your face and decided to start entertaining the thought of dating again. Yes, that daunting exercise where you must dress up, spray on your best perfume and go to meet prospective suitors… let’s be honest, dating is helluva intimidating.

So Sipho X takes you to The Meat Co. at Monte Casino – decent enough, you’re still thinking. You both drove to the venue separately. You get there to find him waiting for you and uBrothers has ordered a drink on your behalf (question mark number 1, you’re thinking). Okay, you don’t want to be too hard on Sipho. Poor Skepsel man, he thought he was being courteous.

Next faux-pas, Sipho chews with his freaking mouth open. This is after you have overlooked that he ordered a risotto starter and was shocked when a rice dish came out. He was probably trying to impress you. Sipho digs in his teeth with his fingernail (one that you notice is quite a long nail for a man) when there are toothpicks right before him. Sipho is not doing well, hey. He keeps ticking your non-negotiables list.

The rest of the date goes okay-ish, it’s not as terrible as those awkward dates on Mzansi Magic’s reality show Date My Family. It is not a runaway success either. You get home and Sipho texts you “Tnx 4 di gr8 d8 bbz, cnt w8 2c u agn. Ur btfl. 9t”. OMG, he did not just text you like a MXit crazed teen. Sipho though. This is it, Sipho cannot recover from this. He has been struck off the potential boyfriend list.

First Time Dates

This little sketch highlights some of our petty and shallow dating no-nos and non-negotiables, methinks. Some popular dating no-nos range from gold or silver teeth (WHY?), a man with hair that is longer than a  number 2 cut, a man with long fingernails, a sweaty man (you know the type, a man that is just permanently oozing sweat even when he is not doing anything physically strenuous), the list goes on…

Those are some of my shallow turn-offs. I cannot for the life of me tolerate a man with poor table manners or shorthand text. I am also fussy about things like pulling out my chair or opening the door. Strangely enough, a man that is very active on social media also turns me off somewhat. We all have these petty and shallow turn offs that we struggle to explain to the next person. They are just absolute no-nos.

Look, age 30 is knocking on my door not too far from now and dololo a Mister, perhaps I should start looking beyond the gold tooth and MXit texts and give the gentle brother a chance?! Hmm, no.

Mack On Dates

Does one ever outgrow these silly little turn offs and what are some of the non-negotiables that you find yourself having when it comes to the opposite sex?

 

By Vuyi Zondi

14 comments on “The Tedious Task Of First Time Dates”

  1. . Hilarious! Saying is such admin hey. Sometimes I wish we could skip the awkwardness of the 1st few dates and just and up comfortable -ish with one another. I think there are so many great guys who we areheld back from because of our non-negotiables. I mean, men with gold teeth need love too! And maybe theirs is the best . I can't stand self-centered guys. Like, ask me about my day, how I am, what I like too. I'm not your audience at your monologue. Oh and guys who feel the need to act differently amongst their friends when you're around or feel pressure to 'fit in'. *yawn*

  2. Hilarious! Dating is such admin hey. Sometimes I wish we could skip past the awkwardness of the 1st few dates and just land up where we are comfortable -ish with one another. I think there are so many great guys who we are held back from because of our non-negotiables. I mean, men with gold teeth need love too! And maybe theirs is the best . lol. I can’t stand self-centered guys. Like, ask me about my day, how I am, what I like too. I’m not your audience at your monologue. Oh and guys who feel the need to act differently amongst their friends when you’re around or feel pressure to ‘fit in’. *yawn* (auto correct nailed me)

  3. This is truly hilarious...Mxit text kills me, I could die from reading that sms. Goldtooth definitely a no- no! Can't deal.

  4. LMFAO Gosh going on dates is so funny and tiring at the same time, worse when "Hi bbz" crew is involved in the process hahahahahahah

  5. Hahahaa, gold tooth never. What is a major turn-off, one that would send you right outside my door is a man that hangs up on me while talking. I don't care whether we had done the deed the previous nigh and told me he'll marry him if he hangs up on me his out the door. I can't deal with a man that was never thought respect by his parents. Well, long nail and using the toothpick without covering his mouth with one hand... hay' sorry bhuti. We not in high school where we would grow together I am in my 30's I want a man that has grown up.

    Thanks Vuyi for the article I guess it will take some time for some of us to finally get that one. Well, better that than settling.

  6. great article.i find dating tiring ,a no no for me is that guy who is not funny but laughs at his own jokes though the entire date not to mention the rude guy who will be trying to sound important by replying to text on his phone the entire time claiming they are from work...... untidy dreadlocks and gold tooth a huge no no

  7. My goodness the dating scene is a volatile one, between making sure you're not dating a fraudster or serial cheater its difficult. And obviously once you over 30yrs people expect you to settle for any Tom, Dick and Jabu that comes along. Manners are very important to me, so people who sneeze or cough without covering their nose or mouth really irritate me. At the end of it all, I guess we all have to venture out at some point and go on a "first date" some might be a nightmare whereas some might prove to be the start of a beautiful healthy relationship. The search continues...

    1. Yes. Manners are an absolute must. From general manners to table manners / dining etiquette.

      Dating certainly doesn't get any easier with age and the once "strict" standards start to decline and we generally become more focused on the more serious aspects of a person - their values, work ethic, potential, future prospects etc. Even in that I find that certain "shallow" standards remain. I am also fussy about presentation and cannot deal with a floppy or untidy man. No

  8. I was once seeing a guy who would talk over me , but like ALL the time.
    He would ask questions but never give me the chance to answer. I was sounding like a broken record from all the interruptions. He just liked the sound of his own voice a little too much.
    Mxit text is also a party pooper for me, that time you really like the guy kodwa you struggle to decode whatever hes saying. Kunzima shem. LOL!!

  9. I've decide to look at dating older guys simply because I get put off by just about everything in guys my age group. The gold teeth, the carvellas, short hand texting, social media obsession/addiction, these funky hair cuts. I'm way too picky and I'm not prepared to lower my standards.

  10. The dancing. I cringe when I see a potential bae dancing like he's invited...twerking and dunusing like he ain't a man! Lol

  11. I think out growing all the turn off makes you a settler. Like you giving up you just going to take anything that comes your way. I often hear people say you don't have a man because your standards are high, the man you want doesn't exist, then they go again and say ask and it shall be given What must can happen now? Stick to your qualities the exact brother will come or better yet exceeds your qualities.Like how many of you have prayed for something and you get something bigger than what you asked for? Patience is virtue bakithi. If it takes 10 dates to get your soul so be it.

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